The No. 1 trick I always teach to build unshakeable confidence: Therapist
When Beyoncé walked on stage early in her career, she didn’t do it as Beyoncé. She became “Sasha Fierce” — an alter ego she created to cope with nerves. The strategy behind it can work for the rest of us, too.
As a therapist for nearly 25 years and the author of “The Mental Strength Playbook,” I’ve watched smart, capable people choke under pressure. They stumble over sales calls even though they’ve memorized the script. Or they stay quiet in meetings even when they have the best idea in the group.
No matter how talented or prepared you are, self-doubt can hold you back. I teach clients to channel an alter ego because it’s one of the fastest ways for them to move past it and perform at their best.
What an alter ego actually does for you
When self-doubt hijacks your brain, you start thinking about everything that might go wrong, which distracts you from the task at hand.
Your first reaction might be to talk yourself out of feeling nervous. But that often backfires and makes it even harder to keep your head in the game. Channeling an alter ego instead is like stepping into the mindset of someone who doesn’t get nervous.
“It’s kind of like when I do a movie, becoming the character, [and] once you put on the wig and once you put on the clothes, you walk different,” Beyoncé told Oprah in a 2008 interview.
Though Beyoncé said a few years later that she’d retired Sasha Fierce as a separate persona, there was a time when the alter ego would show up whenever she performed. “Usually when I hear the crowd, when I put on my stilettos, like the moment right before when you’re nervous,” Beyoncé told Oprah, “then Sasha Fierce appears, and my posture and the way I speak and everything is different.”
Other artists and athletes have also talked about creating alter egos to help them perform at their best, including Adele and the late Kobe Bryant.
The science behind the alter ego
Channeling your alter ego is based on a psychological strategy called self-distancing. When you take on the persona of someone else, you create space between yourself and your anxious thoughts. Your brain activity shifts away from the regions that drive emotional reactivity and toward the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for logical thinking.
In one study that tested this idea with kids, researchers gave 4- and 6-year-olds a boring task to complete and an iPad they could play with whenever they wanted to quit the task. One group was told to ask themselves, “Am I working hard?” while trying to complete the task. Another group was told to use their own name, like “Is Hannah working hard?” And a third group was able to pick a character, like Batman, and asked, “Is Batman working hard?”
The kids who channeled their favorite fictional characters persisted the longest. The further they stepped outside themselves, the more grit they showed.
How to channel your own alter ego
Whether you want to appear more confident during presentations, ask for a raise, or work up the nerve to talk to a stranger:
1. Pick your persona
Your alter ego could be a real person you admire, a fictional character, or even a version of yourself on your best day.
Think of someone who has the quality and energy that matches the situation. If you need boldness, maybe you channel Serena Williams. If you need someone who stays calm and kind under pressure, maybe it’s Mr. Rogers.
2. Create a physical anchor
Tying your alter ego to a physical anchor, like a piece of clothing, makes this strategy even more powerful, whether it’s a watch that makes you feel like James Bond or red boots that remind you of Wonder Woman. The meaning you attach to the object is what does the work.
So find something small that represents your alter ego — a piece of jewelry, a pair of socks, a specific sweater. Put it on before you enter your high-stakes situation to shift your brain into their mindset.
3. Study and embody your alter ego
Ask yourself, “What would my alter ego do in this situation?” Notice how they’d stand. How they’d speak. Then do those things.
One warning: If channeling your alter ego causes you to feel like you’re impersonating someone, you’ve taken it too far. The goal is to amplify your own qualities that often get buried by self-doubt, not to feel like you’re losing yourself completely.
If you’re concerned about how stress management is affecting your well-being, consult a mental health professional.
4. Start small
Don’t wait for a high-pressure situation to test this strategy. Practice it when the stakes are lower. Test it during a team meeting before trying it at a big all-hands. With practice, you’ll discover how to fine tune this play so it works best for you.
Then you can think of it as a secret trick that brings the most confident version of you forward right when you need it.
Amy Morin is a psychotherapist, clinical social worker, and host of the Mentally Stronger podcast. She is the author of several books including “13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do.″ Her TEDx talk “The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong” is one of the most viewed talks of all time. Follow her on Instagram and LinkedIn.
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